Sitting here in L&D room 211 of Baylor Irving. Two hours away from meeting my 2nd daughter, Olivia Eve Yarmer. All the different doctors have come and done their due diligence of telling us everything that can go wrong and could go wrong with Feliz and the baby, today, next week, or next month. I was just walking back into the room a few minutes ago and as I passed the nurse's station, I hear them talking about Feliz. I know it was her because they mentioned "she was at dialysis this morning, but they sent her here with high blood pressure." The nurse went on to say "I'm surprised she's made it this far." Isn't it amazing how surprised people are with things? Feliz has so much negativity stacked up against her, yet we are surprised to be here. Our God is more powerful and faithful than any obstetrician could ever be. There is a GOOD reason God is always to be capitalized. This IS IT. He's a proper noun. The Properist of nouns! He is mighty and worthy to be praised!
These doctors are so negative and SCARED. But like I keep telling Feliz, whose report will we believe? The only One that matters, God's!
They are saying be ready to have Olivia here for 2-3 months. I can't wait to tell them who's to praise for her coming home in a matter of weeks.
God, I can't wait to sing your praises to everyone I run into.
On behalf of my entire family, Feliz and I thank you for all your fervent and continual prayers throughout this pregnancy and I can't wait for you to all see and meet Olivia Eve!
This will be my last transmission until after I meet her myself. Catch you on the flip side!
Take luck and God Bless!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you will learn. My God, you will learn. -C.S. Lewis
That being said, I'm learning a LOT. The last 12 months has been mine and my family's most trying time ever.
In four more days we'll be at the year anniversary of losing my son Zachary Lincoln.
In two more months we'll be at the year anniversary of losing our Dad to his battle with cancer. Correction: Anniversary of him winning his battle with cancer as he is now completely healed and fully alive.
A month after that, Feliz started needing dialysis three days a week to make up for her kidneys failing. In August we found out we were expecting again, and the baby needed cleaner blood more often, so Feliz started taking dialysis four hours, six days a week. It's hard on all of us to be away from Feliz for 24 hours a week. At dialysis Feliz is surrounded by death and sick people. Once a week, someone is carried out of there either deathly sick or sickly dead.
Last week I took Feliz in for a rare infection that can lead to pneumonia and she is still fighting to recover from it.
While there at the hospital with her, my apartment office called to tell me our apartment had flooded due to a pipe bursting two floors above. When it rains it pours. And it was pouring into all but one room of our apartment.
As frustrating as the apartment flooding was, I gave the worries and trouble of it to God just like I do for Feliz's health and healing, Olivia's health and God bringing us through our financial struggles. God is teaching me to truly rest in Him and trust him with everything. Feliz is learning too. She's come a long way in the last 3 years we've been married in her reliance and trust in Him.
I don't know if this is right to say, but I feel Feliz is like Job sometimes and when this is all over God is going to bless her and us exponentially with more than we have ever had.
We are due to have our second girl, Olivia somewhere in the next 1-2 weeks and we couldn't be more excited and more nervous. This week is the same week we lost Zach a year ago and we are starting to get anxious about delivering. If Feliz was over her infection, I think we'd already have her.
I can't wait to write Feliz's entire testimony. It will make a great book and be a mighty testament to God's faithfulness and His miraculous ways. I hope it will touch many lives, but even just one would do.
Yarmer out. God bless.
In four more days we'll be at the year anniversary of losing my son Zachary Lincoln.
In two more months we'll be at the year anniversary of losing our Dad to his battle with cancer. Correction: Anniversary of him winning his battle with cancer as he is now completely healed and fully alive.
A month after that, Feliz started needing dialysis three days a week to make up for her kidneys failing. In August we found out we were expecting again, and the baby needed cleaner blood more often, so Feliz started taking dialysis four hours, six days a week. It's hard on all of us to be away from Feliz for 24 hours a week. At dialysis Feliz is surrounded by death and sick people. Once a week, someone is carried out of there either deathly sick or sickly dead.
Last week I took Feliz in for a rare infection that can lead to pneumonia and she is still fighting to recover from it.
While there at the hospital with her, my apartment office called to tell me our apartment had flooded due to a pipe bursting two floors above. When it rains it pours. And it was pouring into all but one room of our apartment.
As frustrating as the apartment flooding was, I gave the worries and trouble of it to God just like I do for Feliz's health and healing, Olivia's health and God bringing us through our financial struggles. God is teaching me to truly rest in Him and trust him with everything. Feliz is learning too. She's come a long way in the last 3 years we've been married in her reliance and trust in Him.
I don't know if this is right to say, but I feel Feliz is like Job sometimes and when this is all over God is going to bless her and us exponentially with more than we have ever had.
We are due to have our second girl, Olivia somewhere in the next 1-2 weeks and we couldn't be more excited and more nervous. This week is the same week we lost Zach a year ago and we are starting to get anxious about delivering. If Feliz was over her infection, I think we'd already have her.
I can't wait to write Feliz's entire testimony. It will make a great book and be a mighty testament to God's faithfulness and His miraculous ways. I hope it will touch many lives, but even just one would do.
Yarmer out. God bless.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Writing this isn't hard. What gives with my novel?
I'm about ready to pick up my novel and start writing again. I'm tired of just talking about it. 22,000 words is too far to have come not to complete the damn thing. I'm ready to move it out of my WiPs (Works in Progress) folder and move it to my Completed folder. I have so much in my head to write for it, just need to find the time to write it. I need to stop playing Xbox and pick up my pen, figuratively, and finish the book! I play to dedicate the book to my son's memory. That gives me even more motivation to make it good and to FINISH it. I already have ideas for the sequel and "threequel" books also. If I can ever prove it to myself that I can finish the first one.
I have other ideas in the pipeline of my mind. I want to write a series of short stories they may or may not be related to one another, some may have similar themes, or similar characters, or just similar subject matters, but not really all tie-in with each other. I think I may be a sprint-writer, not a long distance writer. Maybe that's my problem. Novels are too daunting to me. Too grand for me...at least until I see that I'm successful at it.
Ultimately, I'd LOVE to be able to work from home, just writing original thoughts and/or from things that have inspired me. I want to be able to fully support my family, to keep Feliz and Emily home. Not having to send Feliz to work also and Emily away to daycare or whatever.
When I think of that as an option, it excites me, but I can't seem to find true motivation to WRITE. Just motivation to WANT to write, if you follow me. I WANT to be successful and provide for my family, but I've got some mental block that's keeping me from putting myself to work. I need to breakthrough. I need a breakthrough.
For kicks, does anyone have anything they'd like me to write about? In short or in long form? I'm open to suggestions...not that I can promise I'll finish the piece that you suggest...
Come to think of it, I think my own negativity may be part of the problem. I need to stay positive and focused.
I have other ideas in the pipeline of my mind. I want to write a series of short stories they may or may not be related to one another, some may have similar themes, or similar characters, or just similar subject matters, but not really all tie-in with each other. I think I may be a sprint-writer, not a long distance writer. Maybe that's my problem. Novels are too daunting to me. Too grand for me...at least until I see that I'm successful at it.
Ultimately, I'd LOVE to be able to work from home, just writing original thoughts and/or from things that have inspired me. I want to be able to fully support my family, to keep Feliz and Emily home. Not having to send Feliz to work also and Emily away to daycare or whatever.
When I think of that as an option, it excites me, but I can't seem to find true motivation to WRITE. Just motivation to WANT to write, if you follow me. I WANT to be successful and provide for my family, but I've got some mental block that's keeping me from putting myself to work. I need to breakthrough. I need a breakthrough.
For kicks, does anyone have anything they'd like me to write about? In short or in long form? I'm open to suggestions...not that I can promise I'll finish the piece that you suggest...
Come to think of it, I think my own negativity may be part of the problem. I need to stay positive and focused.
Friday, May 14, 2010
To my dear son, Zach...
Can I finally let go?
I've been waiting so anxiously for you to be here. Before we even knew we were having another baby, I was eager to have you, my own little boy, a son. Your sister has been here for 18 months and she's been such a blessing in our lives that your Mommy and I couldn't hide our excitement from anyone for wanting to see you. Wanting to hold you and to share our love with you, the same as we have with your sister Emily. When we first found out that you were in Mommy's tummy, we were so curious if you were a boy or a girl. Mommy said I always get what I want when it comes to our babies. I guessed that Emily was a girl because I wanted a girl first and that's what we got. After realizing we had another baby coming I made my prediction, my desire really, of wanting a little boy this go-around. On the day we were told that you were indeed a boy, your Mom and I couldn't have been more pleased. Mommy said you'd probably be born bald like I was, but I said no, you're coming out with a full head of brown hair. I said you'd grow to be tall like your Uncle John. It was only a few days ago that I was again proved right as you had plenty of brown hair, even at just 7 months along. Your feet were huge, with long toes like your big sister and Mommy. I'm almost certain you would have been tall. I won't get to know that one for certain until a little while longer.
There may be many days or years that must pass before I get to see you again, but I have plenty to be thankful for here on Earth, and I'll enjoy every moment spent with your Mommy and your big sister Emily. I'm hoping they can help fill the void left by not getting to enjoy the rest of my life with you here as well. And I hope I can do the same for them as I know your Mommy feels the same as I do and Emily will too when she's old enough to understand what she too has lost.
It took us nearly five months to decide on your name. But when we finally arrived upon the name Zachary Lincoln, we never considered another from then on. Your first name is Zachary because we don't know too many Zachs personally and that's kind of a rule of mine, not to name my children a name that is commonplace in my friendships. Your middle name is Lincoln because I wanted to share my nickname with you, the nickname Link. These last few weeks I've been thinking of how many different names I could call you, Zach, Link Jr., Lil Link, Linky, Mini-Link, Z. I was glad I had several choices. Now I know the nickname I'll use for you and it's accurately what you will always be to our family, The Missing Link, and you are Truly missed, my boy.
All That being said, I'm also relieved in a way. I'm able to take comfort in knowing that you don't have to endure all the cruelty of this world, that you don't have to ever feel the pain the rest of us feel. You'll never know hunger, never know thirst, you'll never feel physical pain of any kind. You'll never have to endure heartache from a loved one or from what is shown to be happening around the world. You are truly blessed to be where you are and to have been chosen by God to skip this world and to be with Him so soon. Our own selfish thoughts will come and go for a long while I'm sure, as we would have Loved to had you here a bit more, but we can't be mad about where you are instead. I'm so happy that you are in Heaven entertaining everyone with your beautiful ways about you, just as you would have for us down
here. I pray God will bring you to us in our dreams until we finally go up to meet you there. I may never have had the chance to calm you when you cried, to praise you when you did good or laugh with you when you did something cute, but I was given the chance to see you and to hold you for a short while. I pray that will tie me over until I see you again, but I know it won't. I'd never be so selfish as to say I want
you back here with me, but rather that I want to be there with you, when the time is right for me. I don't know why you were taken so soon and I'd lose plenty of years if I tried to find the reason, so I won't. All I know is that God knows better than any of us and this happened for a reason that is beyond me. I'd like to think that God took you now to spare us an even greater pain somewhere further down the road. And if that is in fact the case, for that I am truly grateful. You're so handsome as my baby boy, I can't wait to know and see how you grow up to be a man. Heaven just got that much more beautiful now that you've arrived.
I've been holding my breath waiting for you to come, and now you've come and gone all at once. Can I finally let go? I guess I will and I'll breathe a sigh of relief knowing that you're resting safely in God's arms.
I've been waiting so anxiously for you to be here. Before we even knew we were having another baby, I was eager to have you, my own little boy, a son. Your sister has been here for 18 months and she's been such a blessing in our lives that your Mommy and I couldn't hide our excitement from anyone for wanting to see you. Wanting to hold you and to share our love with you, the same as we have with your sister Emily. When we first found out that you were in Mommy's tummy, we were so curious if you were a boy or a girl. Mommy said I always get what I want when it comes to our babies. I guessed that Emily was a girl because I wanted a girl first and that's what we got. After realizing we had another baby coming I made my prediction, my desire really, of wanting a little boy this go-around. On the day we were told that you were indeed a boy, your Mom and I couldn't have been more pleased. Mommy said you'd probably be born bald like I was, but I said no, you're coming out with a full head of brown hair. I said you'd grow to be tall like your Uncle John. It was only a few days ago that I was again proved right as you had plenty of brown hair, even at just 7 months along. Your feet were huge, with long toes like your big sister and Mommy. I'm almost certain you would have been tall. I won't get to know that one for certain until a little while longer.
There may be many days or years that must pass before I get to see you again, but I have plenty to be thankful for here on Earth, and I'll enjoy every moment spent with your Mommy and your big sister Emily. I'm hoping they can help fill the void left by not getting to enjoy the rest of my life with you here as well. And I hope I can do the same for them as I know your Mommy feels the same as I do and Emily will too when she's old enough to understand what she too has lost.
It took us nearly five months to decide on your name. But when we finally arrived upon the name Zachary Lincoln, we never considered another from then on. Your first name is Zachary because we don't know too many Zachs personally and that's kind of a rule of mine, not to name my children a name that is commonplace in my friendships. Your middle name is Lincoln because I wanted to share my nickname with you, the nickname Link. These last few weeks I've been thinking of how many different names I could call you, Zach, Link Jr., Lil Link, Linky, Mini-Link, Z. I was glad I had several choices. Now I know the nickname I'll use for you and it's accurately what you will always be to our family, The Missing Link, and you are Truly missed, my boy.
All That being said, I'm also relieved in a way. I'm able to take comfort in knowing that you don't have to endure all the cruelty of this world, that you don't have to ever feel the pain the rest of us feel. You'll never know hunger, never know thirst, you'll never feel physical pain of any kind. You'll never have to endure heartache from a loved one or from what is shown to be happening around the world. You are truly blessed to be where you are and to have been chosen by God to skip this world and to be with Him so soon. Our own selfish thoughts will come and go for a long while I'm sure, as we would have Loved to had you here a bit more, but we can't be mad about where you are instead. I'm so happy that you are in Heaven entertaining everyone with your beautiful ways about you, just as you would have for us down
here. I pray God will bring you to us in our dreams until we finally go up to meet you there. I may never have had the chance to calm you when you cried, to praise you when you did good or laugh with you when you did something cute, but I was given the chance to see you and to hold you for a short while. I pray that will tie me over until I see you again, but I know it won't. I'd never be so selfish as to say I want
you back here with me, but rather that I want to be there with you, when the time is right for me. I don't know why you were taken so soon and I'd lose plenty of years if I tried to find the reason, so I won't. All I know is that God knows better than any of us and this happened for a reason that is beyond me. I'd like to think that God took you now to spare us an even greater pain somewhere further down the road. And if that is in fact the case, for that I am truly grateful. You're so handsome as my baby boy, I can't wait to know and see how you grow up to be a man. Heaven just got that much more beautiful now that you've arrived.
I've been holding my breath waiting for you to come, and now you've come and gone all at once. Can I finally let go? I guess I will and I'll breathe a sigh of relief knowing that you're resting safely in God's arms.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Fourth 1
Hello to all my readers, all one of you. Two I guess if you count me...
It's Monday and the weekend with my wife and daughter spoiled me so now I miss them worse than usual. I'll be home soon though, but my beautiful wife will shortly thereafter leave for work, sadly. Emily and I will have to comfort each other as we long for Mommy to return. Emily will hopefully let me play a little Xbox and maybe even get through a meal without having to get up once to stop her from getting into something. She's such a handful these days, but not as much as she is a blessing and a great miracle to Feliz and I. We are so thankful for her and for what she's already come out of as a newborn. Emily has some very funny habits...I'll list a few.
She's now decided that whatever Mommy and Daddy are eating must be good for her too, as she starts licking her lips and saying mum-mum-mum-mum-mum-mum and makes her way to us, even from all the way across the room. If we deny her at the least the opportunity to try whatever it is we're eating, well that's when the screaming starts. Unfortunately for Feliz and I, she hasn't hated anything that she's tried yet and so our meals become her meals as well.
Her other habit is that of what she does in her sleep. If we put her to bed (with us) without panties over her diaper, either Feliz or myself will wakeup in the middle of the night to find that she's removed her diaper and peed one of us or the bed near us.
Morning farts, nuff said.
Lost track of time, I gotta go. Bye all!
It's Monday and the weekend with my wife and daughter spoiled me so now I miss them worse than usual. I'll be home soon though, but my beautiful wife will shortly thereafter leave for work, sadly. Emily and I will have to comfort each other as we long for Mommy to return. Emily will hopefully let me play a little Xbox and maybe even get through a meal without having to get up once to stop her from getting into something. She's such a handful these days, but not as much as she is a blessing and a great miracle to Feliz and I. We are so thankful for her and for what she's already come out of as a newborn. Emily has some very funny habits...I'll list a few.
She's now decided that whatever Mommy and Daddy are eating must be good for her too, as she starts licking her lips and saying mum-mum-mum-mum-mum-mum and makes her way to us, even from all the way across the room. If we deny her at the least the opportunity to try whatever it is we're eating, well that's when the screaming starts. Unfortunately for Feliz and I, she hasn't hated anything that she's tried yet and so our meals become her meals as well.
Her other habit is that of what she does in her sleep. If we put her to bed (with us) without panties over her diaper, either Feliz or myself will wakeup in the middle of the night to find that she's removed her diaper and peed one of us or the bed near us.
Morning farts, nuff said.
Lost track of time, I gotta go. Bye all!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
8.42-9.15.09 Nothin Shakin'
I beat The Beatles Rock Band after about five hours of playtime on Wednesday (9.9.9). Took care of my sick wife as well. Listened to my Beatles Catalog that I won the day previous. Also followed what turned out to be a lackluster Apple announcement meeting. Nanos now have video cameras but iPod Touch doesn't...big whoop. What a rip.
I'm trying to write in here more to keep my creativity flowing and hope in turn to pour more creativity into my novel-in-progress. I'm working on it. I'd really like a month off of work to just write my novel. I bet I could finish it with that kind of time off. I'm REALLY going to try to push myself to at LEAST write SOMETHING once a week. I guess if writing was any easier, everyone would do it.
Last night I took my wife to Hard Rock Cafe in Dallas to spend my $50 gift card that I also won from KLUV.
Well, best that I get back to work.
P.S. Does anyone beside me read this damn thing?
I'm trying to write in here more to keep my creativity flowing and hope in turn to pour more creativity into my novel-in-progress. I'm working on it. I'd really like a month off of work to just write my novel. I bet I could finish it with that kind of time off. I'm REALLY going to try to push myself to at LEAST write SOMETHING once a week. I guess if writing was any easier, everyone would do it.
Last night I took my wife to Hard Rock Cafe in Dallas to spend my $50 gift card that I also won from KLUV.
Well, best that I get back to work.
P.S. Does anyone beside me read this damn thing?
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
9.9.9 is upon us...
I'm only 30 minutes away from having my copy of The Beatles Rock Band in my possession. This will inherently be the cherry on top of my day. After winning the Beatles' entire catalog of Digitally Remastered CDs from the radio station, everything else is gravy! That's right, I was the 9th caller after Can't Buy Me Love at 2:35 PM. By 3:03 I was on the road making my way to the CBS Radio building. By 3:30 I had all 14 albums, 16 Discs in my hand. As well as a $50.00 gift certificate to Hard Rock Cafe. What a great day. And tomorrow I took off work to enjoy Beatles Rock Band, but now I'll also be enjoying high quality Beatles CDs! I have a great wife that's letting me leave her and our baby home while I come to Gamestop and pick up my copy of the game (and write this blog).
BEST. DAY. EVER.
BEST. DAY. EVER.
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