Ready to lose it.

I don't know how much longer I can be the strong one. It's not an act. I HAVE been the strong one. It's just that I don't know how long I can continue to do so. One more straw WILL break this proverbial camel's back. I'm giving as much of these worries and thoughts to God but it's becoming a part-time job just to give them to Him. I'm running out of energy, time and breath to speak to him during the day. I hope He's just about ready to prove His Awesomeness to Feliz and I (and to all of you readers/fellow prayers). It hurts more than I can describe to not have the words to say to Feliz to talk her out of her sorrow and desperation. As her husband I hurt to see her hurt it is frustrating when I can't find any words to comfort her. Granted she has always come out of the funks she falls into, but that doesn't mean while she's there it's not extremely taxing on both of us.

I want God's healing hand to grab a hold of her and shake her until that pancreas and those kidneys are jump-started again. I want Him to restore her wounded soul and her mind to not doubt Him or the plan he obviously has for her.

I want to have so many praises to sing to Him, that I can't live long enough to sing them all. I want to be able to die with the testimony of His works still rolling of of my tongue. I want Peter to tell me to "shut up now" when I arrive at the gates.

I want anyone that stumbles upon this blog to not just read it as my (and Feliz's) struggles but that it will be evidence of the victories GOD made happen. I pray that my simple sentences and elementary words will dig deep into people's souls and find that God-shaped hole they may have and that they'll be ready and fully willing to let God finally fill it.

I want everyone to know without the slightest shred of doubt that God exists and that HE will get us through EVERYTHING we are scared or worried about.

I want to stop starting these paragraphs with "I want" because it makes me feel like a terrible writer. But maybe I am. And maybe I don't care. Never mind the maybe. I don't care.

I want...just kidding. I love you Lord and I will praise You through the storm(s).